A Few of My Favorite Things

Dearest Grayson,


I want to dedicate this blog post to some of the silly and adorably cute things you do that make me smile. It may seem weird, but one day I'm going to be an old woman and I might not be able to remember all of the little things you used to do that would make me happy. These are just some of my favorites, if I wrote down everything I loved about you, we would surely be here forever.

Let's start with how you hide things. You love hiding things. You will hide your toys anywhere you can. Under the couch, under the bed, in the trash and I even find stuff buried in our hamper. It's quite cute!

You. Hate. Shoes. And socks. You hate them. You are constantly taking off your socks and shoes when we go out. I usually end up giving up the fight and throwing them in my purse. People probably think I'm some crazy mom who never puts shoes on her child.

You love to help me vacuum and sweep so much that we had to buy you your own toy vacuum and broom.

You fake laugh. It's hilarious.

When you are in my room with me while I'm getting ready, you particularly love getting into my makeup and hair products. It's frustrating picking everything up after you, but I like to secretly think it's just because you think my stuff is awesome or something.

If you get angry or annoyed you will literally throw yourself to the ground and pretend to cry. This may not seem cute, but you are so melodramatic about it that I can't stop myself from laughing and thinking, "yup, you are definitely my child".

If I hold one of your cousins in front of you, you get extremely jealous and cry for me to pick you up instead. In some sort of twisted way I love how you get jealous for me, because it doesn't happen too often anymore. It's a little reminder that when it comes down to it, I'm still your main girl.

When I put you down for a nap or bed, you grab the corner of your blanket and suck on it like it's a pacifier. I don't know why I think it is so adorable to watch you do. Occasionally I will sneak into your room and watch you sleep. I'm sorry if that seems creepy.

Sometimes when  I am doing dishes you will come up from behind me and bear-hug my legs. It is simply the greatest feeling ever.

I love that sometimes when I do my hair and makeup really nice, you will stare at me like you think I'm beautiful. This one has to be my favorite.

Like I said, I could go one forever. I love everything you do, and every day I'm amazed by how smart and funny you are. My mom used to call me her sunshine, and now I know what she was talking about because no one could light up my life the way you do.


Love,
Your mom

A Letter to my Son

Dearest, Grayson

Hey, my big boy! I am writing to you to simply let you know how much I love you. Right now you are just about 13 months old. We celebrated your first birthday a few weeks ago, and I can't tell you how fast time seems to pass when you're busy with a newborn. This year has been the best year of my life, and I have only you to thank for that. I can't wait until you are old enough to have a conversation with me. I'm sure whatever you have to say will be witty, because even without words you are the funniest person I know. I'd like to think you got that from me, although I am sure you did not. I started writing a couple of months ago, and it's funny because I never thought I had what it took to write, but I soon discovered that as long as it was about you, I could write forever. So, I thought it would be cool that if you wanted to read my blogs or my journal one day you could, and you could know me as your 23 year old mother instead of the old woman you might otherwise only think of me as. That may seem silly, but maybe this will help us to grow closer and stronger in our relationship and you won't be tempted to run away from home and do stupid things when you are a teenager like I did when I was younger.

I love you more then you will ever know,
-Your Mom

The Pressures of being a Mom

Its a lot of pressure being a parent. When you go out in public, you see people stare. Some are pleasant, others are judgmental and you know they are just waiting for your child to act out so they can judge the way you parent.  Everyone's got their own opinions on how to raise a child and that's great, but not if we are closing our minds to other concepts and ideas on other parenting styles. It's a lot of pressure always trying your hardest to do what is right for your baby, and it's even harder when others don't support you.

I for one have absolutely no idea what I am doing, and that is terrifying to me. I often stress about the right way to handle situations or what to say, or how to react. If you are blessed, like I am, to have an authentic and true support system around you then you know how wonderful and special that can be.  But if you're going it alone, then it can be infinitely harder.

My first real scare and moment of judgement can when Grayson had his first real fall the other day out on the concrete. He was running down the drive way and I looked away for one seconds and he fell. Splitting his lip open and practically giving me a heart attack. I felt really bad thinking it was my fault, but the reality is it will be one of many accidents and I can't beat myself up after every single one. 

At the end of the day though, I know that I have acted out of love and would never do anything to purposefully harm my baby. There's really no hand book or sure-fire way to raising a child, but I of course  hope I don't mess things up too much along the way. *wink* I just want my son to be a happy kid, and that's really all I can ask for. 

Thoughts From a Young Mother

So here I am, 23 and a mother to a 1 year old boy. I never thought I'd see the day. While most girls my age might still feel young and free, I am a married woman trying to save up for her first house and caring for her son.

Just two years ago I had no long term plans for my life and the thought of kids or marriage weren't even in the back of my head. Yet, here I am; working as much as I can, not because I want to but because I have to. Sacrificing peeing alone or going out with friends. Heading to bed early because I know I will have to be up early. I don't resent these things (I love being a mother to such a perfect boy), but with these things comes the sacrifices everyone warns you about, and there is just no preparing for it.

I mostly love my life, but some days aren't easy. I guess life is truly a struggle no matter what stage of it you are in. When I was 16, I couldn't wait until I was 18. When I was 18, I couldn't wait until I was 21. Now I am 23 and I wish I didn't wish for life to pass by so quickly. I miss my old life, but I hated my old life. I hated being single. I hated being broke. I hated living with my parents. I hated trying to figure out who I was or who I wanted to be, and now? Now I have all of those things. So why do I miss it? Maybe I miss being single, or broke, or living with my folks, because it meant life was simple. No one to care for except for myself. But what a horrible way to live. 

I'm sick of passing life by because I'm missing my old life, or wishing it were different, or better. The fact is my life is the best it is ever going to be right now in this moment.

I'll never be happier, or younger, or stronger...

I am a married 23 year old who is a mother to her 1 year old son.

And I am blessed.

One Year Since the Greatest Gift

One year ago today, I was wondering when my baby boy was going to make his appearance into the world. Life was uneventful and even dull at times. It was a day like any other. I was uncomfortable, almost two weeks past my due date, and could not wait to get the little booger out! I had no idea what kind of life was waiting for me, and just how challenging and rewarding parenthood would be.

Tomorrow will be one year since my life has changed for the better.

It's gone by so extraordinarily fast, yet painfully slow. It's so exciting to see the months pass by and to see how much my baby has grown in just 1 year. He's now a full time walker, practically feeding himself, and even saying a few words. Every new milestone is one of the greatest feelings a person can have.

Today I will be spending time with my baby and reminiscing on how far we have come. I remember when I could hold him in my arms without him trying to run off, or when I could set him on the floor to play, knowing he wasn't going anywhere. I could shower with him in his bassinet whether he was asleep or awake, and take him practically anywhere at anytime and he'd still be fast asleep. But now my days are filled with running after him, cleaning up the same mess for the ten-thousandth time, scheduled naps, play-dates and tantrums, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

1 year ago tomorrow I was given the greatest gift I could have ever asked for- my son.
Happy Birthday, Grayson. Mommy loves you.

Quality Time and Growing Older

Last weekend was spent with my little family and it started out at Wendy's for lunch. This was the first kids meal we have ever had to order, and to me it was a symbol of how much my baby boy is growing up. He's now able to eat certain foods all by himself, so for this meal we all got to eat at the same time! That hasn't happened since.. Well, never! 

After our bellies were nice and full, we hit the highway to the Children's Museum.

They have a little baby area that is fantastic! At first, Grayson kind of just sat there and stared at everyone, but eventually we got him to walk around and interact. He gets very shy, but after a while he usually comes out of his shell. He even tried sharing his block with this little girl, but she obviously thought he was crazy. We played for a while longer, but then it was time for his nap, so we packed up and headed for home.

The next day was absolutely beautiful, so I took the chance to take Grayson to the park to see his cousins. 

The playground was pretty crowded so we opted to just play on the concrete with the tricycle.

It's so exciting to see them grow and learn to play together. One day they will be able to play all by themselves, and we might actually get a break for a change... but for now we happily play along side them and cherish the moments we are given together.

I really enjoyed the quality time I was able to have with my husband and son, and I'm looking forward to many more to come.

What a beautiful life I have been given, and because of my incredible son, my life is infinitely richer and the sun shines brighter. Thank God for such a blessing. 

A Sleep Deprived Mom

They tell you that your life is going to change, and that you'll never sleep again after kids. You think, "Yeah, yeah. That's what everyone says." But for me, Grayson was a fairly easy newborn to take care of. I thought, "Wow, we are so lucky to have such a well behaved, carefree, and easy baby." He slept through the night almost immediately , and he was easy to settle if he got upset at night. He typically let me sleep until 9 or later every morning, and other then the usual tiredness anyone might experience, I really wasn't sleep deprived. Then, when he was about 9 or 10 months old, Grayson decided to never sleep again. At least that's what it feels like.

Grayson has been going through a phase where he wakes up screaming every couple hours, and we can't figure out how to calm him down. We thought maybe it was night terrors, or maybe teething. We eventually just had to let him cry it out and figure out how to self-sooth; to put himself back to sleep. It always got better for a few days, but then it would get bad again.

As of now the screaming has pretty much stopped, but he still wakes up every couple of hours; but he usually goes straight back to sleep after I lay him back down and cover him up.

I don't think I have ever been this tired; I mean, I've been tired, but I've always had the chance to catch up with it. But when you have a baby, and still trying to juggle work, there is no time to catch up. Some nights that I go into work I am so tired, it almost makes me feel sick. I sometimes think, "Should I even be here right now?" but how do you tell your boss you should go home because you are tired?

On top of this, my sweet baby is sick right now, which is adding to the lost sleep at night.  Nothing is worse than when your baby is sick. You just want to take it all away from them, but you just have to let them ride it out.

On the bright side, we have had a very cuddly, calm and lazy day today, and can I just point out how cute these jammies are?

I am hoping this phase will pass soon, but for now I will survive on coffee, and just enjoy the fact that my baby still needs his mama. Parenthood is such a joy that even on my most sleepy of days, I can't help but smile back at this face and be thankful for the life I have been given. Sleep deprived or not.